Sexual Harassment and the Preacher

Sexual Harassment in Ministry

Written by Dr. Justin Imel

Introduction

1. Sexual misconduct in ministry is a constant problem.
   1. In a 1984 survey, 38.6 percent of ministers reported sexual contact with a church member, and 76 percent knew of another minister who had had sexual intercourse with a member of the congregation.
   2. In 1992, Leadership magazine conducted a survey and found that 37 percent of ministers engaged in "inappropriate sexual behavior" with a church member.
2. Today, I have the difficult assignment of speaking concerning "Sexual Harassment in Ministry."
   1. I say it's a "difficult assignment" because sexual harassment in ministry isn't something we typically discuss.
      1. I can't help but wonder if that isn't a large part of the problem.
      2. If we were to discuss the real problems of ministry - as we're trying to do with the "Spiritual Formation" chapels - I firmly believe some of the pitfalls would disappear.
   2. Sexual harassment: "Any unwanted sexual comment, advance or demand, either verbal or physical, that is reasonably perceived by the recipient as demeaning, intimidating, or coercive."

SCRIPTURE

1. Sexuality drastically changed with the Fall.
   1. Before the Fall: "The man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed" (Gen 2:25, ESV).
   2. After the Fall: "They knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths" (Gen 3:7, ESV).
   3. It's essential to understand:
      1. God made sexuality.
         1. Nothing inherently evil about our sexuality.
         2. Instead, when sexuality remains where God properly placed it, sexuality is a beautiful expression of love between two connected individuals.
      2. But, the misuse of sexuality belongs to our fallenness. Because we are fallen individuals, we need to think about the misuse of sexuality.
2. Many think of sexual harassment as something only women suffer.
   1. In most cases, it is women who are victims of sexual harassment.
      1. But, because of the intimate nature of ministry, many ministers face sexual harassment.
      2. We are the ones who are with people at the most vulnerable times of their lives: births, baptism, marriage, death.
         1. We are the ones to whom people turn when life turns upside down. People often come to us when they need counseling.
         2. Therefore, it's not terribly uncommon for us to become the object of some people's sexual fantasies.
   2. In Scripture we see that some men were the object of women's sexual desire:
      1. Gen 39:6b-12.
      2. Lot and his daughters could be another example:
         1. Gen 19:30-38.
         2. You'd be right to point out that it's not sexual desire that drove Lot's daughters to do what they did, but Lot's daughters abused him sexually.
3. Scripture would also speak to us about keeping relationships healthy.
   1. I've always liked Job's statement:
      1. "I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?" (Job 31:1).
      2. While he isn't talking about sexual harassment, Job is making a declaration about the intent of his heart.
   2. Matt 5:27-30.
      1. Important thing about what Jesus says is that he goes directly to intent.
      2. Much of sexual harassment begins with intent, and we'll be talking a good bit about intent.
   3. Timothy was to encourage "younger women as sisters, in all purity" (1 Tim 5:2).

APPLICATION

1. How do we handle sexual harassment in ministry?
2. These suggestions are largely taken from Preventing Sexual Abuse in Congregations by Karen A. McClintock.
3. When someone makes an unwanted sexual advance toward you:
   1. Keep silent.
      1. Breathe deeply and keep silent for a while - This gives you time to formulate your response.
      2. Picture God sitting in the room with you.
   2. Accept the other person's feelings.
      1. This does not mean that you approve.
      2. It took courage for the individual to express his/her feelings.
      3. "Thank you for telling me that. I'm sure it wasn't easy to do."
      4. Validate the relationship: "I'm honored to be your preacher."
      5. Clarify the professional/moral boundary: "I'm honored to be your preacher, but we're not going where that thought would lead."
   3. Pause for a response.
      1. Ask how the person is responding to what you have said.
      2. Listen for clues that he or she really understands what you have said.
   4. Sometimes, it's important to get out of the situation immediately just like Joseph did - the person removes clothing, attempts physical contact, or uses overt sexual language.
      1. Tell the person directly the behavior has to stop and leave the room.
      2. Tell the individual that for all parties involved, you must break the confidentiality of what's transpiring.
      3. Bring back in secretary or spouse to witness a clarification of what's just occurred.
      4. Refuse to see the person again in any type of personal, private setting.
4. Yet, it's not always that people make advances toward the preacher - Sometimes the preacher makes unwanted advances toward others.
   1. Pay attention to your intuitive discomfort.
      1. If you doing something that makes you uncomfortable, STOP!
      2. That is a very biblical response.
         1. Our boast is this, the testimony of our conscience, that we behaved in the world with simplicity and godly sincerity, not by earthly wisdom but by the grace of God, and supremely so toward you" (2 Cor 1:12).
         2. "Pray for us, for we are sure that we have a clear conscience, desiring to act honorably in all things" (Heb 13:18).
   2. Stay tuned to your body.
      1. Notice your physiological responses and determine the source of them.
      2. Were you flirting, or was someone flirting with you?
   3. Notice whom you touch and why.
      1. Do you touch one gender more than another?
      2. Do your hugs linger for a longer time with some people?
   4. Avoid commenting on appearance.
   5. Ask before you hug.
   6. Ask yourself, "Who needs this hug?"
      1. Is the hug really for the recipient?
      2. Is the hug really for your own benefit?
   7. Notice the feedback.
      1. Pay close attention to the verbal and nonverbal feedback you receive.
      2. Does the person respond in kind?
      3. Does he/she attempt to get out of the situation?
   8. Take the risk of being called a "cold fish."
      1. Reduce the amount of touching in which you engage.
      2. We can minister effectively without a constant need to touch.
   9. Learn and practice safer alternatives.
      1. Men can learn to listen more empathetically and reduce the need to touch.
      2. Give lots of empathetic head nods and verbal comments like "uh huh."

Teaching Your Children to Pray

"Lord, Teach Us to Pray"

Written by Dr. Justin Imel

This week, we've explored ways to lead our children in drawing closer to God. Prayer plays a huge role in spiritual formation. Jude clearly connects spiritual growth and prayer: "You, beloved, building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life" (Jude 20-21, ESV). If we wish our children to grow in the faith, we need to teach them to pray.

How to we teach our children to pray?

We can model proper prayer. One of Jesus' disciples came to Jesus and made a request: "Lord, teach us to pray, as John taught his disciples" (Lk 11:1, ESV). Jesus then took the time to model prayer. Take the time to model prayer before your children.

As we model prayer before our children, the possibilities are endless:

• We teach them to praise God's glory (Matt 5:9).


• We teach them to pray for God's will to be carried out throughout Creation (Matt 5:10).


• We teach them to request ever so humbly the material blessings we need (Matt 5:11).


• We teach them to beseech divine forgiveness (Matt 5:12).


• We teach them to take the church bulletin and to pray for the sick by name (Js 5:16).


• We teach them to ask God's blessings on our national leaders (1 Tim 2:1-2).


• We teach them to pray that God send forth workers to share the Gospel (Matt 9:38).


• We teach them to pray for a future mate, for they will pray together one day (1 Pet 3:7).


• We teach them to pray for the bully who constantly harasses them (Matt 5:44).


• We teach them to be thankful for every blessing God gives (Phil 4:6).

These are some of the instructions God has given for prayer. Will you teach these truths to your children? In what other ways can you teach your children to pray?

Reaching Inactive Christians (2)

Reaching Inactive Christians, Part Two

Every soul matters to God. But, many of those who have been cleansed of their sins turn back to a life of sin and leave the Lord. Listen as Dr. Justin Imel teaches a class on “Reaching Inactive Christians.” This is the second of two lessons.

Reaching Inactive Christians, Part Two

Reaching Inactive Christians

Reaching Inactive Christians, Part One

Every soul matters to God. But, many of those who have been cleansed of their sins turn back to a life of sin and leave the Lord. Listen as Dr. Justin Imel teaches a class on “Reaching Inactive Christians.”

Reaching Inactive Christians, Part One

P.S. -- This is the first part of two lectures. Part Two will be posted tomorrow.

Why is War a Part of Religion?

Why Do People Fight in God's Name?

Written by Dr. Justin Imel

Since man has walked the earth, he has fought over religion – the first murderer’s evil thoughts festered because his offering displeased God (Gen 4). Cain may have been the first to murder over religion, but he is far from the last – from the Crusades to the Spanish Inquisition to the Salem witch trials to the attacks of September 11, 2001, countless millions lay dead in the name of religion. Thus, one of our readers asked, “Why is war a part of religion?”

Providing a proper answer requires one to handle rightly “the word of truth” (2 Tim 2:15), for God once commanded war in His name. God desired that the Israelites annihilate the Canaanites, for His people could learn much evil from the inhabitants of Canaan (cf. Deut 20:16-18). Because the Israelites failed to honor that instruction, they suffered tremendously (cf. Judg 2:1-5). They would have fared much better had they waged more, not less, wars in the name of God.

Yet, nowhere in the New Testament does God require His people to battle fleshly enemies in His name. God reigned over a physical kingdom in the Old Testament, but He now reigns over a spiritual kingdom. Jesus told Pilate, “My kingdom is not of this world. If my kingdom were of this world, my servants would have been fighting, that I might not be delivered over to the Jews. But my kingdom is not from the world” (Jn 18:36).

War in the name of Jesus occurs because someone misunderstands the nature of His kingdom. Peter drew a sword and severed Malchus’ ear for he failed to understand the nature of Jesus’ Messiahship (Matt 26:51-54; Jn 18:10-11). The Jews of Jesus’ day largely expected a Messiah to come, establish an earthly kingdom inaugurated by defeating the Roman government, and reign in Jerusalem. Peter, being no exception, took his sword and began to defend the King. Jesus, however, told his eager disciple, “Put your sword into its sheath; shall I not drink the cup that the Father has given me?” (Jn 18:11).

The kingdom belongs not to this world of strife but to the spiritual world of peace; those fighting man in God’s name forget that salient truth. We pray that people look to the Prince of Peace to learn peacemaking and begin reconciling in the name of Jesus.

Heritage Happenings

Cory Collins begins a meeting with the Cloverdale Church of Christ here in Florence this Sunday (April 17). Sunday services: Bible study (9 am), Worship (10 am & 5 pm). The meeting runs through Wednesday; services are at 7:00 pm Monday through Wednesday.

Dr. Jeremy Barrier has been doing mission work in India this past week. He has just arrived in Ho Chi Minh City where he will conduct a leadership training session.

Dr. Justin Imel will be speaking at the Pleasant Valley Church of Christ Sunday evening (April 17); services begin at 6:00.