Parenting

Four F Parenting

Written by Dr. Bill Bagents

Many believe that it’s harder than ever to be a good parent. I’m one of those. I knew everything about children until May 15, 1984. Then, John William Bagents was born and I forgot everything I ever thought I knew. I spent almost a decade as a youth minister. I knew everything – at least everything that mattered – about teens until May 15, 1997 when that kid turned 13. If you think that’s bad, I had to unlearn about half of what I thought I learned with John in order to deal with his brother, Allen. They’re not true polar opposites, but it’s still hard to believe those two boys came from the same gene pool. In so many ways, they’re as different as night and day.

Parenting is not a lost cause. It’s not a hopeless venture. We get a lot of help. It’s good to have Dr. Glen Wittig, head librarian at Criswell College, with us today. It wouldn’t do to have a man of his standing here without mentioning a few books that help parents. I like Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families. I like that excellent Boundaries Series by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. I like John MacArthur’s Successful Christian Parenting and that older volume, Parenting With Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay. Jay Kesler’s Emotionally Healthy Teenagers is such a solid work. But, if I had to choose only one book on parenting, you know which one I’d choose.

I will rely on that good book, the good book, this morning as we talk about 4 F Parenting.

1. Fast. Start Fast. Start early. Start before you marry. Men, godly women like the one described in Proverbs 31 aren’t real common. “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all. Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” Ladies, men who truly honor the teaching of Ephesians 6:4 are rare as well. “And you fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” You start parenting before you marry because your choice of a mate has so much impact on the rest of your life.
   
   
2. First. Keep first things first. Matthew 22:34-40 is one of the strongest parenting passages in all of Scripture. A lawyer asked Jesus, “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?” Jesus responded, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” We don’t have a closer neighbor than our spouse. And, the children come next. Before work. Before school. Before others. If you doubt that there’s a vital link between loving God and training our children to love Him, just remember Deuteronomy 6. Remember Genesis 18:19, “For I have known him, in order that he cam command his children and his household after him, that they keep the way of the Lord, to do righteousness and justice, that the Lord may bring to Abraham what He has spoken to him.” Abraham had a role in helping the Lord God fulfill his promises to him. Part of that role was parenting well.
   
   
3. Fun. If you’re going to last as a parent, you better find and keep a sense of humor. Being the first book in Scripture Genesis is foundational is so many ways. Genesis 4:1, “Now Adam knew Eve his wife and she conceived and bore Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the Lord.” This one verse reminds us how babies are supposed to be born; they’re supposed to be born to parents who are married to one another. It also tells us the attitude in which they are to be received: as blessings from the Lord. Perhaps Psalm 127:3-5 is the more familiar statement. I know that “happy” there carries the fundamental meaning of blessed, favored by God. But, who’s happier than the person who’s blessed by God?
   
   
4. Faithful. There are no perfect parents. Even if you were perfect today and had it all together, it wouldn’t last. Kids change every day. They’re a constantly moving target. Some days they seem perfect. Some days they almost make you believe in modern day demon possession. The story of Legion from Luke 8. If it were demon possession, it would surely take more than one to account for all that they do. I know that even Proverbs 22:6 is not an absolute, iron-clad guarantee of how children will turn out. But, I do know how they tend to turn out if we don’t apply that verse. You know how it begins, “Train up a child in the way that he should go...” I can’t train my children if God in God’s way if I’m not letting God train me. Like most of us, children see better than they hear. They don’t just notice what we want them to notice. They don’t just learn when we want them to learn. They know faithful when they see it. And you can count on this, they also know fake.

Helping Hurting Families

Family Matters

A Cause for Concern

Our culture as a whole is no longer “pro-family.” Our culture loves self and money too much to give family the high standing that it once held. Our culture has chosen to distance itself from God and from Scripture. Our culture no longer thinks that marriage is the only way to create a new family. Even thinking that marriage is the best way to create a family is considered narrow, old-fashioned, and prejudicial.

Our culture is sick. The last days are here. The perilous times have come. Men are lovers of themselves, lovers of money, disobedient to parents, unloving, unforgiving, without self-control, headstrong, haughty, and lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God. You recognize that limited paraphrase of 2 Timothy 3. That’s our world.

That’s the bad news. Our culture is sick. Here’s the good news. An ever-increasing number of people have hurt until they’re tired of hurting. Good people are sick of seeing families fall apart. God’s people are beginning to wake up to our tremendous opportunity. So many people want better families that they’re willing to let us help them. God has used the anti-family bias of our culture to open a great door of evangelism and healing.

QUESTION: HOW CAN GOD’S PEOPLE STEP UP THE CHALLENGE? HOW CAN WE HELP SAVE FAMILIES?

1. We can give our neighbors something to shoot for. We can model the love described in 1 Corinthians 13 and Ephesians 5. We can model the parental responsibility taught in the Proverbs and Ephesians 6. We can show them what healthy, happy homes look like.
   
   We must do this first. Otherwise, they won’t care about our words. Hollow words fall to the ground with no effect.
   
   
2. We can restore the concept of the church as the household, as the family of God. We live in the most mobile society ever. Folks marry and move across the country. Extended flesh-and-blood family is left behind. But, children need grandparents and parents need the support and counsel of those who’ve been there before. Titus 2 gives older ladies permission to teach younger ladies to love their husbands and their children. 1 Timothy 4:12 calls on Timothy to be an example to the believers in every aspect of life. The Golden Rule of Matthew 7:12 and the command to love in Ephesians 5:1-2 gives every Christian permission to act like family. My kids have more adopted grandmothers than they can count.
   
   
3. Elders can get more involved in the daily lives of church members. The biblical model describes elders as shepherds. You remember that from 1 Peter 5:4. Elders shepherd under the authority of Christ the Chief Shepherd. When they do it right, they shepherd following the example of Christ the Chief Shepherd. You know John 10. Read John 10:1-3. Elders can’t shepherd people whom they don’t know. And they can’t know people whom they see only in the church building. “You can’t oversee what you never see.”
   
   DISCLAIMER: Of course, we need to help elders in this vital role. We need to help them know us and welcome their guidance.
   
   
4. Preachers can preach from the heart about family. The Bible is a treasure of family values. The Bible knows family conflict. The first kid born killed his own brother. The Bible knows parental favoritism and sibling rivalry – remember Isaac, Rebekah, Jacob, and Esau. The Bible knew dysfunctional families before that term was coined – remember Joseph and his brothers.
   
   “Preach from the heart.” Not just telling folks what’s wrong with families, but focusing on solutions. Not just telling folks what’s wrong with families, but holding up God’s dream of happy, healthy, loving homes. Not presenting a façade of perfection, but letting people know us, letting people know that we struggle, too.
   
   
5. Churches can teach family skills in a way that connects to people’s hearts. Classes on Sunday and Wednesday are an example. Special teachers with special skills – put our money where our mouths are. Actually create classes where older women teach younger women. Offer premarital counseling, marriage enrichment, parenting classes, divorce recovery, single parenting classes and support groups.
   
   We can back off the old myth that such classes encourage divorce. That’s the devil’s own lie. Divorced people know better than anyone how much divorce hurts.
   
   
6. We can start using our buildings on the other 5 days of the week.
   
   1. Mother’s Day Out. Moms who make the sacrifice and stay home with their kids can use a break.
      
   2. Christian Day Care. I’m the most anti-day care person you know. The greatest blessing in our children’s lives was their mother’s desire to be home with them during their preschool years. But, when mom must work outside the home, we need to help minimize the cost to children. It’s also a wonderful outreach to the un-churched.
      
   3. After School Care. Tap our senior members for homework help.
      
   4. Those seminars and support groups we mentioned above.
   
   DISCLAIMER: It’s not about the building. It’s about doing God’s work. It’s about helping families. It’s about reaching out to others in love.
   
   
7. We can buy and share pro-family resources. Church library. Books. Videos. Create a family resource center. Better yet, do a marriage resource center and a parenting resource center.
   
   
8. We can educate ourselves in helping skills. I often say that most of counseling is “grandma stuff.” It’s stuff that good grandmas do by nature. Such as listening, not giving “pat answers” and quick cures, asking good questions, and speaking the occasional wise word. What statement would it make if an entire eldership told the congregation, “We’re all going back to school. Next semester, we’re all taking a course in people-helping skills so that we can better lead this church.” That course wouldn’t hurt most preachers, either.
   
   Counseling is too important to be left to the “experts.” When it’s done biblically, counseling is just a one-word summary of Galatians 6:2, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
   
   
9. We can identify resources for families who have deeper needs than we’re able to address. Counseling centers like our own Alpha Center. Not the answer, but part of the answer.
   
   
10. We can pray. What if a congregation announced a special hour of family prayer every Monday morning at 8? Send your request by mail. Fax it. Call us. Email. You can use full names, first names, no names, or fake names (pseudonyms). Just give us the opportunity to pray for your family.
    
    
11. We can love. We can embrace the hurting, even those who’ve caused their own hurt. Love heals. Love is the environment of healing.
    
    
12. We can try. I often try without any visible positive result. I sometimes try and actually feel like I make things worse. I can live with that. I can also tell you what I can’t live with. I can’t live with not trying. Not trying is not Christian. Not trying is not caring. Nobody can go to heaven that way.

People are tired of the mess that most families are in. If we can show them a better way, many of them will take it. It won’t be clean, neat, and easy; dealing with hurting people never is. It won’t be clean, neat, and easy. But, it will be powerful, loving, and effective. “…The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give His life a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:28). It’s time we stepped up to the challenge.

Teaching Your Children to Pray

"Lord, Teach Us to Pray"

Written by Dr. Justin Imel

This week, we've explored ways to lead our children in drawing closer to God. Prayer plays a huge role in spiritual formation. Jude clearly connects spiritual growth and prayer: "You, beloved, building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life" (Jude 20-21, ESV). If we wish our children to grow in the faith, we need to teach them to pray.

How to we teach our children to pray?

We can model proper prayer. One of Jesus' disciples came to Jesus and made a request: "Lord, teach us to pray, as John taught his disciples" (Lk 11:1, ESV). Jesus then took the time to model prayer. Take the time to model prayer before your children.

As we model prayer before our children, the possibilities are endless:

• We teach them to praise God's glory (Matt 5:9).


• We teach them to pray for God's will to be carried out throughout Creation (Matt 5:10).


• We teach them to request ever so humbly the material blessings we need (Matt 5:11).


• We teach them to beseech divine forgiveness (Matt 5:12).


• We teach them to take the church bulletin and to pray for the sick by name (Js 5:16).


• We teach them to ask God's blessings on our national leaders (1 Tim 2:1-2).


• We teach them to pray that God send forth workers to share the Gospel (Matt 9:38).


• We teach them to pray for a future mate, for they will pray together one day (1 Pet 3:7).


• We teach them to pray for the bully who constantly harasses them (Matt 5:44).


• We teach them to be thankful for every blessing God gives (Phil 4:6).

These are some of the instructions God has given for prayer. Will you teach these truths to your children? In what other ways can you teach your children to pray?

Ten Topics for Family Devotions

The Family that Prays Together Stays Together

Written by Cory Collins

“How can a young man keep his way pure?
          By guarding it according to your word.
With my whole heart I seek you;
          let me not wander from your commandments!
I have stored up your word in my heart,
          that I might not sin against you” (Ps 119:9-11, ESV).

Young people have an increasingly difficult time keeping their way pure in this crooked and perverse generation. Yet, the Psalmist provides the answer to pure hearts – a knowledge of Scripture. As we have mentioned this week, you as a parent have a huge role to play in your children’s spiritual formation.

As a godly parent, you undoubtedly desire to see your children grow in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Here are ten ideas for family devotions.

• Each family member’s favorite Bible character: His/her choices and consequences
• Heroes of the Faith (Heb 11)
• Fruit of the Spirit
• Explain to your children why you became a Christian
• What are some ways that you want to grow to become more like Jesus?
• Proverbs: God’s wisdom for daily living
• A sermon from last Sunday
• A helpful bulletin article
• Why the church is vital
• How would Jesus handle current events?

These are ten suggestions you should feel free to use. But, the possibilities are endless! The important thing is the teaching of Scripture. What topic will you share with your family this week?

Tips for Starting a Family Devotional

Nearer My God To Thee!

Written by Cory Collins

Yesterday, we introduced the need to train children in righteousness. While the Scriptures are abundantly clear, you may be pondering how you begin such a process. Today, we wish to provide tips that will help you begin drawing your family closer to God.

• Start with the decision to start! Fathers, take the initiative (Eph 6:4). But, if there is no godly man in the family, mothers need to remember Timothy, Lois and Eunice (2 Tim 1). Decide today that you will guide your family in righteousness.


• Start small. Even if you begin once a week or even once a month, start! Doing a little is far better than doing nothing. And, the fact that you have done something is significant.


• Prepare your family early. Let the idea soak in, especially with older children. You may find that you kids are much more agreeable than you expect.


• Set a time and a day. A good time is right after dinner while the family is still together and before evening activities begin.

Decide to draw nearer to God today! Take the time to lead your family in proper paths. Your rewards will be reaped in eternity.

Tomorrow we’ll provide suggestions for choosing a text or topic to help you start.

One A Day Vitamins

Family Devotionals

Written by Cory Collins

We are all acutely aware of the need for proper nutrition. We wish our children to maintain a healthy diet, and we often purchase vitamins of their choosing to encourage a balanced diet. As we age, proper nutrition becomes no less important, and several companies produce vitamins aimed at the aging population.

As important as physical health is, what if there were a daily vitamin that would strengthen your marriage? What if a properly balanced diet were able to help keep your children active in the church? What if some pill could increase your motivation or your assurance of salvation? What if your diet were able to help you accept and deal with illness, aging and loss?

There is such a vitamin – the family devotional. “The family that prays together, stays together.” “A family altar can alter a family.” Those statements are far more than clichés; they’re truth. Studies have repeatedly shown that the children of parents who actively and personally express their own faith are many times more likely to become happy, faithful and strong Christians.

Throughout this week, we’re going to be offering solidly biblical counsel on beginning a family devotional. But, before we begin to offer tips and strategies, we want to lay the biblical foundation. The prayer is that as we see the biblical rationale our spirits will be motivated to follow the biblical teaching.

“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise” (Deut 6:4-7, ESV).

“Now his parents went to Jerusalem every year at the Feast of the Passover. And when he was twelve years old, they went up according to custom” (Lk 2:41-42, ESV).

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph 6:4).

Scripture clearly teaches the importance of training children in righteousness. We wish to move in the direction God desires we move. Come with us this week and let’s together move closer to our Creator.